By: Spencer Collins
All the things you’re thinking while watching The Bachelorette, but don’t want to say
There was no Bachelorette this week, so I saved my recap from last week’s 2 parter until now so you don’t have withdrawals (really I was on vacation in Vegas, so let’s be honest, I was NOT writing this there).
Chase gets the first one on one date this week.
JoJo takes him to “intimate yoga” where they have an “anger-gasm.” This pretty much looks like how I feel about yoga - throwing a tantrum on the ground because I can’t do the poses.
But then they move to the Yab Yum position and of course start making out. Sign me up for this yoga!
Chase tells JoJo at first he thought this type of dating is too fast for him, but then decided maybe it isn’t.
Chase, you were correct to begin with and that is my biggest problem with this show.
NO ONE should get engaged after 8 weeks of dating. Especially when the person you are dating is dating 25 other people. I wish the men didn’t feel pressured to propose at the end, but hey this show has been around for 20 seasons, so I guess they’re doing something right.
Chase of course gets the rose.
Onto the group date.
JoJo takes the group to a comedy show where they have to tell a story about their first sexual experience or a fantasy they have.
The guys are clearly nervous and I want to tell them to imagine the audience in their underwear as we have all been told before, but I don’t think that advice will work here.
I gotta give it to them though. They were all really funny. But then Evan makes fun of Chad and his possible steroid use. This is somehow more awkward than the sex stories. Chad wants to deny his “roid rage,” but at the same time rips Evan’s shirt.
Chad then says he’s not going to tell a story about his past, because this is all about his future with JoJo. He then tries to kiss her in front of everyone, but she denies him. I can hear laughs and applause all across America.
The rest of the night really turns into Evan vs. Chad.
Evan gives JoJo an ultimatum, saying either he stays or Chad stays. Ultimatums are never good and hardly ever go the person’s way. At this point, I really think Evan is going home, because at this stage in the show, everything is still pretty superficial and let me be blunt in saying if you’re going just off of looks, Chad is staying over Evan.
JoJo surprises me though and gives Evan the rose. Chad flips out about this IN FRONT OF EVERYONE and JoJo calls him out.
This is why I knew JoJo would be a good bachelorette. She doesn’t take crap from anyone!
Because of multiple threats from Chad, there is now security at the mansion. I can’t help but think that security has always been there throughout the whole 20 seasons, but ABC is just being dramatic and showing them now.
James T. gets the next one-on-one date.
The two swing dance and are pretty awful at it.
However, the date is saved by a beautiful view at the top of Los Angeles and James playing the guitar.
The guy is talented and writes some pretty good lyrics to woo a girl.
I like James. JoJo likes James. James gets the rose. Like will not lead to love in this case. James will not win JoJo’s heart in the end.
JoJo cancels the cocktail party for the week and decides to have a pool party with all the men instead.
I really think some men in the house have a chance with JoJo until I see her with Jordan. The two can’t keep their hands off of either other.
At the rose ceremony, Ali, Nick (Santa), and Christian all go home. These are definitely all men I thought would stick around longer, but I’m sure producers told JoJo that Chad had to stick around a bit longer.
The group then leaves the mansion and heads to Pennsylvania.
Once again, we see the men yelling from a balcony. This is clearly going to be a theme this season.
Luke gets the one-on-one date. The two go mushing through the woods to find a hot tub in the middle of nowhere. This has also become a staple in the bachelor/ette franchise and I don’t understand it.
Luke tells JoJo he’s an emotional person by nature and she’s shocked. I don’t know how she is shocked. I called this from day one. To me, Luke is too emotional. Despite that, Luke is in my top 3 and will stay there as he continues to get roses.
To no surprise, the group date begins with the men yelling from a boat. Yep, definitely gonna be a theme this season.
I don’t care what football team you cheer for, if Ben Roethlisberger, Hines Ward, and Brett Keisel show up on your date, you are pretty stoked.
This football date is clearly a win-win for Jordan, yet he feels the need to say he was “picking guys apart.” Sir, you played college football and were drafted into the NFL. I sure hope you are doing well. If not, we have a problem.
Somehow the blue team wins and gets more time with JoJo.
JoJo and Robby kick off the night with a steamy make out sesh.
Promos make it seem like Robby goes far and I’m not really sure why. He doesn’t seem interesting to me, but I guess he’s a good kisser.
Once again, JoJo tells Jordan she needs him to open up more.
This drives me insane. JoJo didn’t open up to Ben right away last season, so she should be more understanding of the guys. I don’t feel like Jordan is guarding himself more than anyone else, so I think she just wants to hear flattery from him. He gives it to her, so of course he gets the rose.
Now to what everyone has been waiting for, the 2 on 1 with Chad and Alex.
The men and JoJo go on hike and rest by a river.
Chad tells JoJo floating the river is one of the only things to do in Oklahoma. Man, if your personality wasn’t enough to send you home, this information just may do it.
During their one-on-one time, Alex of course talks about Chad. He tells JoJo about Chad’s threat against Jordan. She of course freaks out about this.
I’ve always been skeptical about contestants throwing other contestants under the bus. However, when someone is threatening others, that is definitely something that needs to be brought up ASAP.
Chad defends himself by saying he has never touched anyone, but like JoJo says, threatening people isn’t the answer either.
I can’t help but think that Chad is 100% going home at this point, but then JoJo questions that decision, saying maybe Chad is acting this way since his mom died 6 months ago. My dad died when I was 9 and I know a handful of friends who have lost one of their parents. NONE of us have turned to violence for the answer.
Violence is never the answer.
Chad and Alex spend some time together while JoJo “thinks.”
This is where Chad delivers some of his best one-liners all season including “Life ain’t all blueberries and paper airplanes.”
Thankfully, JoJo realizes Chad is not going to change and sends him home.
Alex is now not only an American hero, but the hero of the house as well.
At least we think, because we are left with this terrifying image of Chad showing up back at the guys’ home, but we have to wait and see what happens.
Let me know what you thought about the episode and who your favorites are!